Unlucky, Kentucky!

A story from my neck of the woods.

Global fast-food chain Kentucky Fried Chicken has been dealt a legal blow by the small man. Well, woman.

Last month, lawyers representing KFC tried to warn off the Titanic Pizza Co, of Carnoustie (near Dundee, Scotland) who have a meal deal bearing the name Family Feast. The tiny takeaway pizzeria has offered a pizza-based Family Feast since 1992, two years before KFC registered its own Family Feast™ - but the US giant sought to put an end to what they saw as an infringement of their trademark.

Titanic's owner replied defiantly to KFC, who then agreed to drop their lawsuit threat, citing Titanic's limited use of the offending term.

Gloria Esposito of Titanic reckons KFC 'felt silly' when they realised how small her business is. I think not. Rather, I believe that such conglomerates' policy is to attempt to discourage anyone who, knowingly or otherwise, uses wording already trademarked by themselves.

From the litigant's point of view, what happens if they don't act? That's a precedent KFC does not wish to set.

Not the First Time

Speaking of precedents, in recent years, McDonald's Corp. attempted to force a Scots cafe owner to drop the Mc element from his family business name, despite said business having existed for a hundred years.

Again, I believe this is an example of a hard-and-fast rule being applied across the board. Makes a teeny bit of sense from the plaintiff's viewpoint, but is maddening for the little guy.

Finally, in the KFC/Titanic matter, I'd like to know how KFC learned of the existence of Titanic Pizza Co. Maybe some kiss-ass employee of a local KFC thought he/she could curry favour by e-mailing Head Office!

(picture shows Titanic staff celebrating victory with a special pizza)

A

What the Foxx Going On!?

I pissed my pants just now, reading that Jamie Foxx fancies himself to play legendary crooner Frank Sinatra, in Martin Scorcese's planned biopic.

Hahahahahahaaaaaaaaarff!

Is this a joke? If so, it certainly nailed me! Either Hollywood is taking its Frankfurt School we're-all-the-same crap to new heights, or Jamie Foxx has been taking loony lessons from his egomaniac pal Kanye West.

The Yahoo article began reporting Leonardo DiCaprio's own bid for the Sinatra gig, Leo going so far as to hire a voice coach, hoping to replicate Old Blue Eyes' distinctive tones.

DiCaprio is of Italian stock, but there his resemblance to Sinatra abruptly ends. If he hopes to land the part, Leo will have to do three more things. First, go to a hack barber for a comedy combover. Second, have his feet sawn off and reattached, leaving him six inches shorter. Finally, have a friend smash his handsome face in with a steam iron.

Even without such method acting, he's still a better candidate than Jamie friggin' Foxx! LOL! That's gonna keep me going all day!

Now I'm off to audition for the lead in Spielberg's Martin Luther King flick.

A

Wife and Death

Screen star Ryan O'Neal is keen to wed ailing fellow star and long-time lover Farrah Fawcett.

The Love Story actor and the Charlie's Angels icon have been together since 1982, and the couple have a son. Fawcett is known to have been fighting cancer since the autumn of 2006, news of her health alternating between a joyous all-clear, and speculation that she is dying.

Now O'Neal has stated that he would love to make the relationship official, ending with a noncommittal 'you never know'. Presumably Farrah is not so keen.

Precedent

O'Neal's apparent eagerness to make an honest woman of the perhaps-dying Fawcett, is not solely a Hollywood thing. In recent months here in the UK, chav reality star Jade Goody wed her boyfriend Jack Tweed in a rush ceremony, Goody dying from cancer weeks afterwards.

And, as a child in the Eighties, I recall Tony Booth's (father-in-law of former PM Tony Blair) bedside marriage to Pat Phoenix, who played Coronation Street legend Elsie Tanner. Phoenix was terminally ill at the time of their wedding.

Doubtless there have been many other such rushed nuptials, of the famous and not-so-famous, where one of the betrothed is not long for this world.

Why Bother?

So what's the motivation? Could be a bride's wish to fulfil her girlhood dream of being the blushing bride. Could simply be both bride and groom wallowing in sentimentality. Or could it be religious superstition? Impending mortality putting pressure on God-fearing lovers to do the right thing? Utter nonsense, of course, but then grief leads people to do all sorts.

Fawcett's illness is reminiscent of the plot of O'Neal's career-defining 1970 movie Love Story. His missus dies from cancer in that too.


A

Woss the Problem Now?

Jonathan Ross again?

According to one report, the Beeb has received four - count 'em - four complaints about Ross' so-called homophobic jibe on his Radio 2 show.

Discussing movie merchandise, Ross suggested that if anyone's son should ask for a Hannah Montana MP3 player, then those parents might consider having said son adopted, before he brings home his partner.

I think it must be the have-him-adopted part that's sticking in complainers' throats. Jonathan appears to have unthinkingly suggested that having a gay son is somehow undesirable. Unthinkingly, my arse. He does these things on purpose, lest he remain out of the limelight for ten seconds.

As for the comment, so ****in' what? Had I a son, I'd prefer that he not be gay, and behind the curtain of so-called open-mindedness, I reckon most parents would be most uncomfortable, at least at first, to discover that their child were homosexual.

So who are the complainers? At a guess, I'd say stick-up-the-ass lefties and/or couch patooties with bugger-all else to do.

Ofcom is obliged to investigate, i.e. to see how Ross' statement corresponds to broadcasting code. That'll take all of five minutes, hardly an investigation, is it?

Pink News quoted listener Karen Mills: What would be the message to a young gay man listening to this? Worse still, how might such comments reinforce and support homophobic bullying in the playground?

I have a mental image of Karen Mills. She's a spiky-haired social worker who wears non-leather boots and rolls her own.

I think gay-rights campaigners give gays a bad name, make them all appear to be whining wimps who think being homo is a lifestyle and a talent.

They get on my wick. Offend me, no less. Who do I complain to, then?

A